Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
