oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
