I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How external is "for external use only"?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
