Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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