dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
