You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
