we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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