as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
