my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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