This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
