Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
