I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
