i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
