My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
