Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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