Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
