Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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