I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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