no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ketchup is God's man juice
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
