I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
