I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
