well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
