Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
