Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
