$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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