I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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