I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
