I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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