Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
