The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
