you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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