I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
