my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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