Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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