Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
