why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
