What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
