...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
