I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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