Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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