Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
