You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
