I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
