i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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