Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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