It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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