why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
