I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
