And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
