her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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